It wasn’t all roses. Life events had transpired in a way where in 2016 I found myself with depression and addiction. I used cannabis heavily for several years, smoking everyday, sometimes before work. I was trying to self-medicate a deeper pain that I hadn’t yet touched. I went to therapy, which helped, but I always circled back to my destructive patterns. Sometimes I’d just stare at a wall for hours knowing that if I didn’t do anything then nothing could get worse. It was the first time I’d been so low. 

During that period I was living in a flat in Auckland with a yoga teacher. She saw what I was going through, witnessing me everyday laying in my hammock trying to escape the world. I have a lot of gratitude for her now. She had enough compassion to suggest that I might give meditation a go. She told me it might help how I’m feeling. 

I don’t know where or when I first heard about meditation, but I remember being interested in this ‘alternative’ approach. Perhaps it was my time in Asia (where meditation is much more mainstream) where I was exposed to ways of life that seemed more peaceful than the way we live in the west. I have also always been interested in the deeper meaning of life and had an early, almost scientific interest in this guy called Buddha. I think my subconscious stitched these threads together and the idea of learning to meditate really appealed to me. I downloaded the app she suggested that day and I gave it a go. 

The very first time I tried, something just clicked. Then it kept clicking. It was like all lines in a game of tetris going off at once. The 15 minutes went by in a flash. I didn’t understand what was happening, but I felt better, so I kept going. I had become a meditator, and I’ve kept up a daily practice ever since. (As an aside, I have since learnt why meditation is so powerful for people who are experiencing depression. You can read my article on this here.) 

I have always liked just watching and observing things, so the ability to just sit and watch my mind as it worked, as it uncovered the answers to all of my questions out of stillness seemed like the most incredible thing to me. Once I learnt to go deeper, some really interesting things came up. I started to see patterns, which I explored, and I started to understand where my depression was coming from. From here, my external world started to change in parallel with the internal. It really was a powerful exposition of the idea that everything starts in the mind. I realised that all the answers I was searching for were inside me all along. I was the key to my own success. Buoyed by my progress, I kept going.

After several years of practice I wanted to share this tool that had given me such immense benefits. I have always enjoyed teaching (I did a lot of it in the world of conservation), and I get told I’m pretty good at it, too. At first I ran a few sessions for my colleagues at work, and soon after took a course on facilitating mindfulness sessions. Eventually I rustled up the courage to put on my first beginners meditation course. It had two attendees, one of whom was a friend from work. That was in 2020. A few years later I decided to quit my ‘real job’ to become a full-time struggling meditation teacher. I have now taught several hundred students over dozens of courses.