Is It All About \"Just Being Present\"?

There’s a lot of hype about ‘being present’ but what does that really mean, and is that ‘all’ that mindfulness actually is? 

We’re going to dive into some pretty deep Buddhist territory to get to the answer we’re looking for, so sit tight, take it in, and of course, feel free to reach out if you have any questions. But firstly, let’s understand what being present as opposed to not present looks like, then we’ll get into the deeper answer: the root causes of suffering and liberation, and why presence is so crucial to the shift. 

Not being present means to be lost in thought. You’re distracted, not focused on what is in front of you. Whether thinking about the past (maybe recounting a recent conversation), or worrying or fantasizing about the future (perhaps looking forward to going out with the boys or girls later), being away in thought stops us experiencing and enjoying what is happening in the here and now. 

Being present, on the other hand, means we are focused on the experience at hand. In meditation we learn that this is commonly done by inhabiting the body and the senses. When you are intent on just watching, just listening, just tasting, the mind is quietened, and distraction and proliferation of thought slows. This is presence, you’re in the moment, not away in thought. 

The part that most people quickly understand is that being present feels nicer. Non-present thoughts are always centred around ‘should’ve, could’ve, would’ve’, filled with analysis, expectation and desire. This “‘should’ve, could’ve, would’ve’” carries a lot of judgement about your current situation, so to become present is to remove that judgement, in the moment. Becoming present feels like an easeful release because that’s what it is. 

But becoming present is about more than getting that release in the moment. To get to the complete answer to our question, “Is it all about ‘just being present’?”, we need to understand the Buddhist concept of suffering (dukkha in Pali, the ancient Indian language closest to what the Buddha spoke), where it comes and how to reorientate the mind away from it.  

I want to first define what I mean by suffering. In Buddhism, “suffering” or “dukkha” doesn’t just mean out and out dread, conscious angst, or physical or emotional pain. It means any layer of dissatisfaction, however subtle it may be. Often this dissatisfaction is so light we don’t give it a second thought nor would we usually call it suffering, for example the feeling of being bored, but it is all characterised as dukkha to the Buddhist. This is quite different to our normal Western notion of suffering, which usually positions it as overt and known. The word unsatisfactoriness is often used as a better transliteration of dukkha, because it reflects this nuance. Sometimes it’s a subtle “Meh”, perhaps just slight agitation, and sometimes it’s existential or deeply physical. Both extremes and everything in between is dukkha, suffering.

Suffering is a cycle, it repeats and reinforces itself, and it is both its own cause and its own effect. Have you ever seen an angry person get more angry? Of course. Their anger is making them act in a way that elicits an unfavourable response, which makes them more angry. Sure, the expression of anger can feel like a temporary release, but ten times out of ten it ensures more suffering will follow, even if it is not immediate, but in the form of years of regret or lost connection or. Being angry both feels unpleasant and creates unpleasant situations. Suffering creates suffering. 

All suffering is rooted in craving (Pali: tanah). This means wanting something that currently isn’t. Craving can be for something, such as objects, people or status, or for the absence of things, such as unpleasant feelings or situations. Craving for things comes from attachment to those things, and craving for absence, is rooted in aversion or disliking. Whatever the type of craving, it always represents a wanting to change the situation you’re currently in, and implicit in this is a sense that I am not OK as and where I am, I need something to change in order to feel OK. This not-OK-ness is suffering.

If we go a layer deeper, we find that the primary cause of craving is what Buddhists call delusion or ignorance (Pali: moha). This is specifically ignorance to the truth of impermanence (Pali: anicca). The Buddhist world view is that everything is constantly changing. People change, objects change, feelings change, desires change. But we go through our lives as if things will last forever. We assume that relationship, that object–pretty much whatever we have at a given moment–is a permanent fixture for us. But thinking this way–that things are permanent–ignorws the fact that in reality, all things are changing. No wonder we get upset when things change! To attempt to hold onto anything as if it will never change is to set ourselves up to suffer. It’s like trying to hold onto water and getting mad that it slipped through your fingers. Change is constant, to accept this is the deepest form of acceptance.   

So we tend to believe and act from a place that is ignorant to the fact of a constantly changing reality. Thoughts and actions based on this ignorance (i.e. all craving, attachment and aversion) are defined as “unskilful” or “unwholesome”, and all unskilful or unwholesome thoughts and actions create suffering. We suffer because of our determination to view things as fixed when they are not. This is the only reason we suffer. 

The lever we can pull to direct us out of this ignorance and create more “skilful” or “wholesome” thoughts and actions is presence. 

When you become present you generate space in your experience. Instead of being consumed by feelings and firmly entrenched on the roller coaster of life, you take a break and let it do a few laps without you. This represents a letting go of the need to control your experience. The roller coaster isn’t actually the experience of life, it’s the experience of needing to control life. We humans are very adaptable, we can roll with the punches, but we don’t like it when things don’t go our way. The roller coaster feeling is simply the discrepancy between our expectations for our life (brought on by social and familial conditioning) and our actual experience. This discrepancy results in an attempt to control the world around us and bring it in line with our expectations. That’s when we start getting mad or upset at people and situations for not meeting our needs, which is a closed, consuming and life-is-happening-to-me mindset. This is the wrong way to approach life. When we become present we temporarily let go of this need to control, just letting life be what it will be without expectation, and this brings on a freeing and spacious state of mind. 

This may sound whimsical, or even flippant, but if you pear it with the faith that the Universe (‘God’ if you don’t mind the language), actually wants good things for us, then to stop controlling our experience is to allow the Universe to do its thing and bring us the fruits of our existence. This is what is meant by the classic phrase, “To get out of your own way”. 

The space generated through presence allows for analysis of our life. Buddhist philosophy tells us that our reality is constructed by our own conditioned mind. This means that the reality that we take for objectively true is actually heavily influenced by all of our own mental baggage. Our feelings, views, beliefs, dogmas and intentions–all of our unconscious and automatic assumptions, including our expectations and need to have them met–are part of the construct of your reality, not separate from it. All of this is what Buddhists call our “conditioning”. These conditions cloud our judgement regarding what is good or bad, true or untrue, fabricated or factual, skillful and unskilful. The space generated by presence gives us the time to see this conditioned construction of reality in action, and when we see how we are influencing our own version of reality, we can peel the layers back and thereby see the world more clearly and accurately. 

My status as a privileged white man, for example, skews my view of the world. But seeing first-hand how I am treated differently in society because of that privilege gives me a new, clearer perspective on things. This then influences my conditioned mind and behaviour. When, for example, I’m out with a friend who is not in the same privileged group and I see and acknowledge the difference in treatment (which, trust me, happens, and is observable), this delivers a moment of empathy and connection, thereby reaffirming the view because I have then seen it from their experience. This type of seeing and growth can only happen when you step back from experience and take the mindset “things are happening” instead of “things are happening to me”. 

It is through this sort of mindful, clear seeing of reality that we gradually begin to drop the need to control our experience, and instead of trying to force the universe into alignment with us, we come into our own alignment with it. With our new understanding we become less attached to certain outcomes. We see that true happiness comes from the ability to let things go, not from holding onto them. To stop holding onto things is to stop craving for them, and to stop craving is an admission that I am OK as an where I am, nothing needs to change. This is peace and contentment. 

When we act from this peaceful, contented mind-space, with our thoughts not obscured or fashioned by attachment, actions always manifest with a flavor of generosity, compassion, kindness, wisdom, or equanimity. We consider these actions ‘skillful’ because they lead to a further reduction in suffering. Like suffering itself, these skilful actions are self-reinforcing. When you see that the argument you’re in is only causing you pain and you choose to deescalate, that deescalation has momentum, and as long as you don’t fall back into the unskillful proliferation of pain and anger, life will continue toward peace and harmony. That is karma (Pali: kamma) in action. 

To act with these skillful roots of non-delusion and non-craving is therefore both the cessation of suffering in the moment, and the causes of liberation from future suffering. To act in this way creates an upward spiral out of suffering.  

So presence leads to space in experience, space in experience leads to discernment, discernment leads to clear vision, clear vision leads to non-attachment, non-attachment leads to skillful action, skillful action leads to the cessation of suffering, and the cessation of suffering reinforces the whole loop. 

This is why, in a Buddhist sense, “being present” is really just the start. To be present is to arrive at the door whereby a choice can be made. At this doorway there are two paths: the circular path of suffering, marked by attachment, aversion and craving, and the spiral path to liberation, marked by the continued cultivation of presence, clear vision and skilful action. 

But walking through that door requires intention. You have to really aspire to freedom from suffering in order to overcome the forces of karma that keep you from making the jump to the wholesome path. This continued intention represents the opening of the door, walking through it, and remaining there. Presence shows the way, intention catalyses the action. Positive results in your life then reaffirm your motivation to return to presence and deepen skilful action. This is walking the spiral path away from suffering, which is a much larger task than “just being present”.